Twist the knife
by NicoleTwilight
Summary: From the beginning of Eclipse. This is a quick one shot, in the school yard, when Jacob shows Edward his memories of Bella from when Edward was gone. What did Jacob really show Edward? How did it make Edward feel? Edward's POV.


_Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight_

______________________________________________________________________________

Juvenile, irresponsible dog, telling Bella about Victoria, here at the school, of all places.

Jacob watched me as I held Bella close, wiping the tears from her cheeks. His thoughts were disjointed, coursing almost too quickly to follow through hate, jealousy and concern for Bella. If possible, his hatred of me had grown even since we last met in the woods. I knew it was dangerous for us to be so close to each other. It had been foolish not to just turn the car around as soon as I had sensed him here, found an excuse to take Bella away. I wouldn't let something like this happen again.

I tried to ignore Jacob, and concentrate on Bella, soothing her gently. But, suddenly, Jacob's thoughts shifted. _Edward, _he called in his head. There was an edge, a sudden intensity to his thoughts. His mind was swiftly filled with an image, a memory with a strange feeling around the edges. I realized that this was not something he had seen, but a vision of a memory he had experienced in someone else's mind. _Sam Uley_. A feeling of desperation clung to the vision. The woods at night. A symphony of sounds, the calls and movements of wildlife mixing in with the subtle sounds of the trees. Far away, voices calling. The smell of damp ground and sweet leaves permeated the memory, mixing in with the scent of the living creatures in the forest. And then, finally, another scent. Something on the ground, curled up. Someone small and fragile, damaged. Alone. Bella. _The night you left her alone in the forest_, Jacob thought. I could feel Sam's relief at finding her, taste his fear at the sight of her, helpless, on the cold forest floor. And her face turned up to look at him.

Suddenly, I could see nothing else. I was not aware of Jacob's eyes on mine, of the school around us teaming with people. Of the girl at my side. My vision filled with Sam's memory of Bella's pale face, haunted, ravaged by pain. I could hardly recognize the girl I loved, so much of her was lost in that face. It was so much worse than even what I had imagined in my darkest moments, when the sorrow and despair over what I had done by leaving her threatened to crush me. Her eyes, her beautiful brown eyes, always so sparkling and warm, now filled with tortured loss and sadness. The pain at the sight of her was breathtaking. It was as if a thousand knives had pierced my body, driven easily through my granite skin, coated with burning guilt and regret. And then, Bella's small voice, echoing quietly in the forest, empty, hopeless. _He's gone._

The knives all twisted. Agony.

The vision shifted again, and I was in too much pain to fight it. Bella, standing in an unfamiliar background. She was pale, thin, her face drawn with circles under her eyes. Eyes still filled with a terrible sadness, despite the smile on her face. _Months after you left her_, Jacob spat silently at me. _You monster. Look at her. Look what you did to her, look at her pain, you selfish, stupid bloodsucker_. I tried to block Jacob's words, but the horrid truth of them gnawed through my mind.

From far away, reality. Jacob's voice, outside my head this time. "That's funny."

I realized I had lost control, that these images had pulled me under a tidal wave of pain. I fought to resurface. With tremendous effort I smoothed my features and steadied my voice. I seethed with hatred for Jacob, and that helped me fight back the pain. I wanted to kill him for coming here. Kill him for existing. I would not let him get control of me again with his thoughts.

"What are you doing to him?" asked Bella, fear in her voice.

"It's nothing, Bella," I said. The vision of her face in the forest clawed at me, and I struggled to keep my voice controlled. "Jacob just has a good memory, that's all."

And then Bella's face was in his memories again, and her sad eyes gripped me mercilessly. I found I was helpless to fight it, he had me trapped once more. She was sitting in her truck, slightly hunched over, a pale, slender arm wrapped around her body. There was devastating pain in her features. _She said she wrapped her arms around herself to keep the pieces together. After you left her. Hurt her. Tore her apart. _

Then one last picture. Bella's face, so close. It filled Jacob's mind, _Bella, Bella, Bella._ Dark brown hands on either side of her face, holding her, moving her closer. Jacob's hands. Jealousy ripped through me. Charlie's kitchen shimmered in the background. Within the memory I could feel Jacob's excitement, his desire at her being so close. The way her soft, translucent skin felt like cool satin under his hot hands. But all I could see were Bella's eyes. Confused. Uncertain. But there was something else there as well. Jacob had seen it, and now I did too. Possibility. It shone softly in her warm brown eyes. Her eyes told me what might have been, what might still happen. _Yes! _thought Jacob. A phone rang in the background. _If only…a few more seconds, _Jacob thought. This was what he had wanted to show me all along. I had seen a glimpse of it in the forest, now it was clear. This was the most consequential result of my hideous mistake. Jacob and Bella. What I would have to live with, live through. I had left her, I had fought to stay away from her, and then I had found her again. Fear, cruel and insidious, began to trickle down my spine. After all that, could I still lose her again?

"Stop it! Whatever you're doing." Bella, angry now.

And Jacob wrenched his thoughts back to the present, sealing his memories away.


End file.
